What a Long Strang Trip It's Been.....

(Deaf Jim, an unexpected new friend and chief fountaineer in Strang, shown here holding a lantern while standing on a railroad track.)

Heading north on Highway 81, the first stop on my exploration of America is nearby Strang, Nebraska, a town as famous for its ugly children as it is for its lack of running water. At the center of the town is a large fountain which serves as the primary source of water for the town of 38 farmers, and at last count nearly 300 Hobos who actually live in a moderately sized Hobo encampment just east of the city which Stangians refer to as Dirtville. The farmers have for years ruled over the hobos with an iron fist, using them for cheap labor such as the manual pumping recquired to force water out of the decorative attachment placed in the middle of the town fountain. The large cast iron figure of two naked children flying a kite can be seen from all corners of the town and the water pouring out of their mouths enjoyed by all except for Deaf Jim.




















(A young man typical of Strang. Note the malformed ear and asymetric face.)

A source for the frequent birth defects has not been discovered although theories abound. Most folks around Strang don't seem to mind though. The average life expectancy in Strang is roughly 30 years and many of the woman are infertile. A robust internet marketing campaign keeps a steady supply of settlers coming and on occasion Hobo younglings are taken from Dirtville. Though there are a few skirmishes between the Hobos, who have the advantage of greater numbers, and the Strangians, who have the technological edge, in general peace reigns between the two groups.

My reason for making Strang the first stop on this adventure was a chance to grab lunch at Julio's, the town's only restaurant. Julio's is well known in southern Nebraska for its malts and phospo sodas but their claim to faim is that in the early 1980's a young Bronson Pinchot stopped by on his way to South Dakota for an audition. This was pre-Perfect Strangers so he was not well known, but he left a lasting impression on the townsfolk. Those of you lucky enough to get a chance to visit Strang can see the large billboard erected just outside of town with a picture of Mr. Pinchot eating at Julio's on it. Legend has it that he ordered an egg salad sandwhich, half of which has been preserved and placed on display on the counter. The same half egg salad sandwhich is rumored to be haunted but not by Mr. Pinchot who is still alive.

After lunch, I stopped at the old fountain to taste of its delicious history. Though slightly discolored from the lead which was used to fashion the base of the fountain, there was also a hint of sweetness and dare I say, mint. I took pause to think of how many generations of Strangians had used the rusted scoop hanging from the edge of the reservoir. How many young lovers had walked hand in hand around the town circle enjoying the relaxing sound it emitted? And then my thoughts turned to my wife. The sadness of my recent divorce was beginning to settle in when I heard a rough voice and shuffling footsteps approaching.

"Hey there Mister! You enjoying that water?", the burly and bearded man said with the kind of slurred speech I had only heard once before while growing up in Belvidere. This was Deaf Jim, the head fountaineer of Strang, and a proud resident of Dirtville for some 25 years. We talked for hours about life in Strang, Strangian-Hobo relations, and the unrelenting preponderance of deformed children. Mostly I listened though as Deaf Jim is deaf. Thoughts of my wife fell by the wayside and I laughed as I hadn't laughed in over a month. I promised Deaf Jim that I would return again to visit and that I would get word to the CDC about the children.

Map of Strang, Nebraska

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins